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Mr. Lower East Side

"The worst Mr. LES ever" -- Rev. Jen Miller

"The Jimmy Carter of Mr. LESes" -- Dave Ritz

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Neal Medlyn served as Mr. Lower East Side until October 2004. During that time, he was very cute and drank a lot. He got roofied at a party with some famous people, starred in various downtown films, did a bunch of shows, made a series of films with messages for the people of New York, appeared on some dubious television programs, and was written about in various publications. He complained about some people who he did not like, and had a variety of nemeses, most of whom never even knew! He had sex several times. He would like to thank those responsible for all these things and everyone else too.

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Hello! Neal Medlyn here, your new Mr. Lower East Side.

Firstly, thank you to all the other contestants who were great, and especially to Reverend Jen, Faceboy and everyone else who worked the show. But most of all, I want to thank you, the people. The downtown people. The people of our Lower East Side. It is the most exciting part of the most exciting city in the world.

So now I am at work in my little shirt and pants and my head hurts like a motherfucker and I have carefully arrayed an assortment of beverages around me as is my pleasure. A sip of coffee , sip of apple juice, sip of cranberry juice, sip of water, etc.

I hope you all get to carry a bong and beer can festooned crown home on the train someday. A policeman felt obliged to do a silly double take at it, but he had to show out for this crowd of people he was talking to. Why there was a late night subway platform tour given by detectives I will not ever know.

Anyway, now I am Mr. Lower East Side and I will do many exciting things. You will be seeing a lot more of me, literally and figuratively. And now here is my list of hopes for my tenure as Mr. LES.

I hope to be the most debutanteish, paris hiltonish, most crossdressed mr. lower east side in recent memory. I hope to sing more pop songs and climb more chairs and shake more ass and simulate more orgasms than you can imagine. I hope to drink beer at every bar on the lower east side. I hope to chase jaded conde nast blogger people down the street with a giant dildo as they come out from pianos to fake smoke a cigarette. I hope to stare unpleasantly at NYU buildings and perhaps shake a reproving fist at them. I hope to dance in flagrant violation of the cabaret laws. I hope to represent you in the Masturbate-a-thon and/or other charitable events that involve the word masturbate in the title. I hope to cough the word LES at all times in order to subconsciously plant it in peoples brains. I hope to give blowjobs to unicorns. Lastly and most importantly, I hope to be the best Mr. Lower East Side that I can be.

I welcome any and all suggestions as well invitiations to entertainment programs! My e-mail is nealmedlyn@hotmail.com

Thank you and God Bless America.


Sincerely,

Neal Medlyn